Our 2014 family photo shoot: Kai was still being punished for “acting girly”. There were SO MANY photos I didn’t keep or share because I just couldn’t edit the “femininity” out. I am thankful some of the photos were just too cute to delete.

Her outward appearance is a clear reflection of the person she is within the core of her being.

There is a snippet of Christian a song that I often think of when I look through photos of Kai before we understood who she is,

“From the inside out Lord my soul cries out…”

I’ve said this before, I’ll say it again, Kai has always been Kai. I’m the one who needed to transition.

Early in social transition… It bothered her that her hair was still so short and we would pray together every time I brushed or washed it and every night for her hair to grow faster. All of these barrettes were her way of making sure she looked “girl enough”. Sweet baby. What a journey she’s had…

September 12, 2015

Kai is 4 years 9 months in this photo.

She put the outfit together herself and asked me to take her picture.

This was very early into her being allowed to choose her own clothes to wear and growing out her hair. Lord, I remember how fervently we prayed together for her hair to grow faster.

This beautiful smile hides the fact that she was being punished every single day for acting like a girl… I’m so thankful she was born fierce & knowing who she is and that God truly does not make mistakes.

Kai is about 3.5-4 years old in this picture.

hiraeth (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home that maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

The barn at my Mamaw & Papaw’s place in Higgin’s Settlement, Texas

I grew up in the house across the red dirt & gravel road from Momma Doshie’s (my great grandma) pond in Ticky Bend, Mississippi.

Almost Heaven… Manvel, Texas

Tell me, are you homesick for a place to which you cannot return?

This is Kai at 19 months. The baby had been a toy in the childcare at church.

Kai would fight the other kids for it and cry when I picked her up and they’d take it away. *we were in church 3-4 times a week*

Someone finally gave her the baby 😇

For her third birthday Kai begged for a Minnie Mouse themed party. But because that wasn’t “appropriate for a boy” the theme was Mickey & friends… but only the boy appropriate friends. She was so disappointed 😞

You see, I already knew. I knew. I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet. I was scared. I was scared because I knew that I knew that I knew that Kai was a girl.

I thank God she is such a strong-willed child.

I wrote this on June 14, 2016

Yesterday was a very new experience for me. I’ve spent many years in “Mom ministry” but yesterday… Being virtually surrounded by Moms of LGBTQ children, I witnessed ministry and love in a new and powerful way.

Moms joining forces to check on our moms in the Orlando area to make sure all of our babies were safe. Moms reaching out to the moms you saw on the news, and to moms of those we found out about through connection, just to let them know that this huge group of moms is praying for them and we ache, and we cry, and we cry some more with them and for them.

Our secret sounding board on Facebook where the wall filled with raw emotions as we each processed what we were feeling. A sounding board because of the hate we saw as scripture was being used to justify these kids being slaughtered inside Pulse nightclub. A sounding board because our family and friends don’t understand that this effects us differently. A sounding board for celebration as some of our kids & families decided yesterday not to be hidden and came out publicly and announced who they are to their churches. A sounding board that I wish, I wish the world could see… But it can’t. The world can’t see our secret space here because it’s our safe place. Our nonjudgmental Christ filled space where love abounds.

I believe that God will use this tragedy to bring about good. I believe God will be glorified. I believe because it gives me hope. I believe because He is hope.

This is the perfect opportunity for each of us to be the Hands & Feet of Jesus ❤️