Happy tears

The third post from the secret group for Christian moms of transgender kids…

WARNING: This was early in our social transition (coming out of the closet). I still used wrong pronouns and probably said things I wouldn’t say now. But THIS is our journey and we share it with the belief that transparency changes hearts.

August 7, 2015

It’s another 3 am morning because it’s splash day at school. Splash day? Yes. It’s today’s fear. Lol

Bathing suit shopping for a girl (or boy… I’m still fuzzy here) was something that had me totally freaking out in my mind for a couple of days. So I prayed. I asked The Lord to please help me. If this is the right thing to do, help me. Help me find one of those surfer type suits with board shirts and swim top. On my lunch break I ran to a shop near work and there on clearance y’all… Pink board shorts and a shirt with daisies. Only one, and Kai’s size. In that moment I had to fight the happy tears. Happy tears like Kai’s when I gave the kid panties. Lol

I felt this sense of confirmation. Confirmation that my God still loves me and that maybe, just maybe, I’m making wise decisions.

I’m not getting into “how God works/doesn’t work”, I’m just sharing with you that He heard my cry and answered me.

So, this morning in true Gideon fashion (LOL) at 3 am staring at the ceiling beating myself up with mommy guilt (maybe I should check my thyroid levels) I asked Him if I am okay, if my kid is okay… I was struggling with just knowing I’m not sinning and leading my boys astray. And with a heavy heart and busy mind I randomly opened my Bible and underlined from who-knows-when, the most tender and comforting thing my Father could tell me… That I have not forsaken Him. I haven’t! Happy tears.