Finding a tribe

My first post in the secret group for Christian moms of transgender kids… I thank God for my tribe.

WARNING: This is early in our social transition (coming out of the closet). I still used wrong pronouns and probably said things I wouldn’t say now. But THIS is our journey and we share it with the belief that transparency changes hearts.

August 5, 2015

I thought I’d introduce myself to the group now. I’ve talked to some of you, and have been scrolling through posts wondering how I got here… And now I am going to vent because I have only just discovered safe places to vent… So if this starts looking like a book, I apologize.

I live in the ultra-conservative Pearland, TX (on the southern border of Houston)

I am here because I have an amazing child who God entrusted to me… and I am seeking guidance to make wise choices to raise him well.

Since my male child was about 18 months old he has been noticeably “girly” but he was little and people just thought he was cute. He announced at about 3 that he is a girl. Now that he is 4 we are experiencing rapid changes. He is adamant that he will not pretend to be a boy any more.

I am an ordained minister and I’ve served in the ministry/church for many years and now church is very very-very uncomfortable. The last church I served as a guest minister tried to cast demons out of my child while he was in childcare. We’ve had to leave two Christian daycare centers in six months. I will spare you the details for now. I am losing family and friends… but at least our dog still loves us.

I am here because I need help. I need help because I didn’t know I could get so angry that my kid’s hair won’t grow faster. I didn’t know I could have so much emotional turmoil buying size 4T panties. I didn’t know a 4 year old could cry happy tears over panties. I didn’t know it could be so hard to feel comfortable taking my kid to church. I didn’t know that transgender was even a thing. Why is it a thing?

Long-time closest friends who have done life together with me for years have avoided play-dates for the past couple of years… most likely because my very feminine male child could turn their kid that way or something (smh). But, now that I have begun talking about the elephant in the room, I feel I have no one to “do life with”. You see, I have seen their posts and opinions about Caitlin Jenner and same-sex marriage… need I say more?

A very dear friend explained how Satan is perverting my son and she is praying for him to be free. When I asked her to only pray that God’s plans and purposes for my son are fulfilled she tried explaining perhaps I am not thinking clearly. That if my son has to be this way I have to explain to him God would never make him like that and he would have to change or remain celibate to be pleasing to the lord. This is a woman I love dearly. I know her kind heart… how can she not get this (except that I don’t even get it so I should be merciful)? She knows me. Why can’t she just hear me?

I won’t ask you to tell me I am not crazy. One of my psych professors once told the class that everyone goes crazy at least once in their life… I am embracing this as my time. But, I would appreciate knowing some of y’all went crazy but were able to forgo the straight-jacket somewhere down the line.

Please pray for me however you may feel led.

*End of vent. I feel much better now.

These photos are from my prayer journal. No grammar, spelling, or handwriting critics please. LOL

June 6, 2015

We were well into the process of social transition (coming out to people). Kai had already been allowed to be herself at home without punishment for quite some time. Jenner’s transition, in many ways, made it so much harder on us. Not because of her so much… but people just became less accepting and far more hateful.


9 thoughts on “Finding a tribe

  1. Kim & Kai,
    I have to say, how brave and amazing you both have been through this journey. I know living in Texas is hard for anyone who does not fit into “the mold”. I struggled for years finding a tribe, and the only thing they could outwardly call out was that I was a liberal. I see that you are finding your tribe, but just want to say, my daughter (7yr old fashonista, Catalina) and I both think you are an amazing mother/daughter duo. Hugs and love from Sugar Land!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can totally relate!
    My child was 4 (ish?) when transition started and now 19 years old. No longer a child and in another change in life. As a Mama Bear, I have moved states away from family and old friends. As we left, I cried many tears and told all to keep their prayers flowing in LOVE for us. (That move was for MY new beginning.) I call the change my “divorce” from the negatives to “marrying” the positives. My Xander and I are so much happier now! (My shorter story of the actual version, lol) Add me on Facebook, if you like.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jenner’s coming out did not cause these issues. It just brought them out in the open. The hatred, ignorance, and lack of understanding is there, was there, and will continue to be there unless, we all come out, tell our stories, and show the world that we’re exactly like everyone else. We work hard, care for our love ones, donate to charity, do good deeds every day, and make the world a better place. The world would be diminished if we weren’t here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely! The only way to change hearts and minds is to reach out, to talk, to share our stories. I consider it my privilege to call Kimberly my friend. As parents of trans youth, we’ve been on our journeys for a similar length of time, though I have had an advantage of sorts as I am a trans woman. My daughter knew by the time she was 4, though we didn’t notice the signs for another year, and it wasn’t until she was 6 that she told us. She transitioned before I did, and in fact didn’t know I was a transgender woman for several months after her own social transition.

      Visibility matters, and because I feel privileged to be living my authentic life after 48 years of hiding, I’m committed to helping others. My story can be found here:

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I am not trying to be cold hearted about this, but how does a 4 year old even know about transgender. All of of little boys want to play with dolls. We give them guidance and try not to make to make a big deal of it. It is up to us as parents to give our children the direction they need. 4 years barely know potty training and you expect them to know about what gender they are. This has nothing to do with your faith in God. It’s about guidance and patience. Too much television junk. Tech him boy things and let him hang with guys.


    1. I’m the mother of 5 boys and 2 girls. Kai always had boys to hang out with and boy stuff to do.
      This has nothing to do with television. There is plenty of stories about us that can be googled and even more science and research available if you’d like to look it up.
      I appreciate you taking time to inquire.

      Liked by 1 person

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